Quotes
Dick: ]reading an announcement] County Supervisor's office?
Mrs. Murphy: Well read, Dick, you're making great strides.
Mrs. Murphy: The winner gets a week's internship as Woody's apprentice. Which means an opportunity to learn about civic affairs, a plum entry on your college application, and - this might interest you, Dick - a chance to stand beside Woody Goodman on TV and push the plunger for the demolition of Old Shark Stadium.
Dick: Nuke the stadium? Damn, now I totally wish I could write good.
Veronica: So, you should be able to write quite an essay on freedom. How does it feel to have your case dismissed?
Logan: Well, freedom feels... liberating.
Veronica: So you've got your title.
Wallace: Man, you believe it about Logan? That guy's like a cat.
Veronica: You mean useless and selfish?
Wallace: I mean, like, nine lives. I just wish I knew how he does it.
Veronica: That's funny. I do know how he does it, and I wish I didn't.
Wallace: Come on, you'll like it. It's a good school.
Veronica: And if it were in, say, Maine, I'd be excited. But it's in Neptune, so I'm not excited. I'll go, but just to skip school. Which excites me.
Logan: You lied to a janitor?
Hannah: I've resigned myself to burning in hell.
Dean: Okay, so we're gonna play a game called "Two Truths and a Lie." Does everyone have a buddy? *Veronica raises her hand* All alone?
Veronica: It's all right. I prefer it.
Dean: Lie. See, that's how the game works. [to group] You have to tell your partner two facts and one lie and they have to guess which one is the lie, all right? Okay, so go ahead.
Veronica: Okay, I'm Veronica. I'm from Neptune. And I once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.
Dean: Oh, how'd that go?
Veronica: It was a bit of a letdown.
Dean: Hmm. Well, uh, I don't believe that you're from Neptune.
Veronica: Wrong. Is that the end?
Dean: Um, okay. Well, my name is Dean, I'm from Wheaton, Illinois. My father owns a Ford dealership, and I also shot a man in Reno, but it wasn't to watch him die, it was for, other issues.
Veronica: Your father doesn't sell Fords.
Dean: That's right, Toyotas. How did you know?
Veronica: It's all in the eyes.
Dean: All right, well, I guess I'll have to watch out for you next year.
Veronica: Oh, I won't be attending.
Dean: All right, enough lies.
Troy: How you been, Veronica?
Veronica: Lie. I don't believe you're really interested. Next statement.
Troy: Yeah, okay, I can understand that after what I did, but I'm sorry.
Veronica: I don't think you understand the rules of this game. You only get one lie.
Troy: Okay. Let me start over. Three statements, one false. Uh, my name is Troy. I was a bad boy when we dated, but after a year of private school, therapy, quitting drugs, and dumping my loose-cannon ex-girlfriend, I have changed into a more or less... good boy. And, I communicate telepathically with all denizens of the sea.
Veronica: Right. So, how long before I catch you talking to a manatee?
Troy: I'm not lying to you, Veronica. I just want you to know that.
Veronica: Do I care? Really, Troy, you're just water under the bridge. Duplicitous, evil water.
Dick: Dude! So we hanging this weekend or that chick still have your sack locked up in her Easy-Bake Oven?
Logan: Actually, I am now a free man.
Dick: The way we should be, man.
Logan: "We"? What happened to Madison?
Dick: [scoffs] Bailed. According to her friend, she met someone more mature.
Logan: Where, Legoland?
Dick: Pfft. Whatever, man. Maturity is like one of the two most overrated things on the planet.
Logan: The other being?
Dick: Chicks.
Logan: Oh, so this worked out great for you.
Dick: Dude, why do you think I'm in such a great mood? Screw it. This weekend, you and me are partying like Ozzy.
Drew: So what do you think about us gettin' busy?
Veronica: Can I have your beer?
Drew: Sure.
Veronica: [splashes him in the face]
Drew: Grow a sense of humor, you crazy bitch!
Veronica: I would, if something funny would ever happen.
Veronica: As much as I appreciate that display of chivalry, uh, I had it covered.
Troy: Well, maybe I wanted to demonstrate that I really have changed.
Veronica: So you're no longer evil, you're stupid. Congratulations.
Dean: I saw you talking to that guy. What'd you talk about?
Veronica: Jane Austen. But he dissed Pride and Prejudice, so I had to throw a beer on him.
Keith: [on phone] I don't see why you couldn't just open the door. [opens door, sees Cliff handcuffed to bed]
Cliff: It's a funny story, actually. Just please, don't judge. You can laugh privately later.
Keith: I don't suppose you have the key? [Cliff shakes his head] So can I ask you a question?
Cliff: Well, she said her name was Daphne.
Keith: No, no, no. How did you call me?
Cliff: Acrobatically. I might have pulled a hamstring.
Keith: Okay, then, next question.
Keith: My God, Cliff, you're like a wild animal. Is that what the kids call "motorboatin'"?
Cliff: I have a zest for life. So sue me.
Keith: So what was in the briefcase?
Cliff: Just case files... I believe a copy of Elle magazine, but I forget why...
Troy: I kind of bailed on the tour. I got tired of the looks, you know?
Veronica: So you figured creepy skulking was a better use of your time? That won't make you seem guilty.
Veronica: I'm Veronica. I was at the party last night.
Stacy: That was, like, the best party ever, right? How was your rape? So, what, are you dropping off some pamphlets or something?
Veronica: No. Um...a pamphlet's not going to cover it. It's just gonna suck. And then it'll suck less.
Dick: Dude, you know what I'm gonna do to you?
Logan: No.
Dick: First, I'm gonna kick your ass. Then, I'm gonna grab your head and yank out your spine. What do you think about that? Sound okay? Okay. Boom. Oh! Look, look, I'm doing it, I'm doing it. Yoink! Say hello to your spine. *squeaky voice* "It's me, your spine!" *Logan unplugs the game* What?
Logan: I'm just imagining what Ozzy would think of your concept of partying like Ozzy.
Dick: You wanna snort a line of ants?
Veronica: If I wanted to find a Hawaiian girl, where would I start?
Dean: In Hawaii?
Cliff: I want to emphasize this should not be construed as coercion. We're just showing you a picture. [shows Lamb a photo of him and Madison[
Keith: That's Madison Sinclair, who I believe takes World History with my daughter.
Lamb: [looks around, lowers his voice] So, what? This is blackmail? She's 18. That's legal.
Keith: Sounds like a swell campaign slogan for the next election. [shows him a "campaign flyer": 18 - It's Legal! Re-Elect Don Lamb]
Veronica: You undercounted the sassy.
Troy: So, they dropped the charges. Thanks, Veronica. Really. I'm not sure that I deserve it, but you're a true friend.
Veronica: How about we just call me an "acquaintance with reservations"?
Wallace: That's Veronica Mars - making friends and influencing people wherever she goes. See, if you come here next year, you've already got enemies. Just feel right at home.
Veronica: Dad... your hooker's here.
Keith: Escort, honey.
Veronica: So you're no longer evil... You're stupid.
Courtsey of Leia.